Time and spending it.
Lately I’ve been getting myself all worked up about the time I have (or don’t have) I’ve been finding myself at the end of a day before I’ve even started it properly and it’s been getting me down. Picture in your head you’ve just sat down to a film you’ve desperately wanted to see, you’ve got everything you could want, sweets, drinks, a comfy seat, the remote control right by your side and not a thing in the world to distract you, but then the movie starts and it’s stuck on fast forward, it’s fine at first, you have the remote right there after all but when you try to rewind the film to see what you missed, none of the buttons work. You try pausing it but nothing, if anything it just seems to speed up; you frantically press every button hoping one of them will do something but no the movie just keeps spinning on forward leaving you hopelessly and angrily without a clue to what’s happening or why. You get more and more upset and frustrated and, on the brink of tears, decide to try and watch the movie as it is. You watch the characters dance around at incredible speeds, you wonder why that character is laughing or how they ended up in a jungle the whole time kidding yourself that you can watch and understand the film like this. Then before you know it, it’s finished. The end credits race by and everything you’d wanted from the experience was dashed in moments as the heavy feeling of disappointment settles in your stomach. Then it’s time to turn the TV off and try again tomorrow hoping it won’t happen again.
This is how I’ve been feeling recently, every day has been passing me by leaving me in the dust with not nearly enough time to do what I initially had planned, sometimes I feel better by telling myself how stupidly young I am, 19 years old and my whole life ahead of me, I have yet to move out, get married, have children, all of that but then I remember for all I am stupidly young, life is stupidly fleeting. I remember lying in bed thinking how great it would be when I turned 7 and people would think I was more grown up and now here I am over ten years later and wishing I had an extra few hours I could invest into a book or painting. I feel like I have these huge years ahead of me but they are filled with teeny tiny days that can barely fit in a lie in and a decent sitting with a book that would still allow time for eating and bathing. It’s like having a barrel of small sweets but you can only have one every few hours, it’s nice, but no where near satisfying enough.
And as if I needed any more persuading that this was the case, I last checked the time at 14:30 it’s now 16:41 and I certainly haven’t spent two hours writing this.
Anyway, food for thought I guess,
My day out at NERG 2014! XD 😃👾🎮